Why hiring a Life Coach might not be for you.

I am constantly being asked what a life coach is or what we do.

Firstly I would like to make a few things clear. As per the ICF Ethical Guidelines and Professional Standards, Coaching is not Therapy and it is not consulting. There are differences.

I have come up with a few reasons why hiring a coach is NOT for you.

Why you shouldn’t hire a life coach;

1)      If you’re happy with how things are going and don’t like change

If you think your life is absolutely fine and there is nothing you would like to change (even while perhaps complaining about how things are and how nothing can change because of X, Y, Z) It will be much easier and unfortunately a less fulfilling life repeating the same pattern and living life the same way all of the time, but like I said, if you don’t actually want your life to change and you’re happy as things are, a life coach is not for you.

2)      You don’t like spending money on improving anything

If you’re the type of person who likes a band aid solution, kind of like using one on a leaky pipe that requires a welder or an actual plumber, life coaching may not for you. Coaching requires serious commitment and investment on your behalf to create any significant shifts that will actually have your life go differently; it requires a buy in from you and skin in the game. The reason why gym memberships (or any membership for that matter) for $30/month often go unused, is because there isn’t enough skin in the game, whack that baby up to $500/month and I bet you’d be signing up to the gym with actual intention, actions, AND likely you’d get the results you really want.

3)      You aren’t committed to your life the way you want it

You talk a lot about what you would love your life to be like and you always mention what life would be like if you won the lottery. You aren’t that committed to having your life go a certain way, you are a “I’m gonna” do this and “I wanna” do that, but you’ve never really taken any serious action to make any of the things you want, happen. In fact, you’re probably reading this post thinking “who is this bitch, I’m gonna get around to that stuff I want, it’s just not right now” consider this, If it’s not now, when? And if not you, then who?

4)      If you want to be told what to do.

Coaches do not tell you what you to do, that is a job for a consultant and to be perfectly clear, a consultant isn’t likely to provide you the contextualising, deep inner work that would create the transformational shift you need to actually have your life spin around on its axis and go differently. They are however excellent for business strategy, marketing, branding, scaling and content. I work with a group of sensational consultants and I use them for exactly that – to tell me what to do in my business, and my coach supports me with who I need to be, to have the things I want.

5)      You refuse or hate being challenged or confronted.

Coaching isn’t particularly easy at times, you are constantly confronted where you are being out of integrity, you have a mirror lifted up in front of you showing you all of the things that have been hiding in your blind spots, and how you are unltimately responsible for how your life has gone. How you are showing up is reflected to you when things really aren’t working. It requires immense vulnerability, honesty and collaboration. If this is something you can’t be with, do not hire a life coach.

6)      If you are currently facing addiction or experiencing severe mental health issues.

Due to the confronting nature of Coaching, if you are recently sober, still experiencing substance abuse and/or are not mentally stable, then coaching is absolutely not in your best interest. Coaching is not a useful service for mental health issues. Coaching can be triggering and revealing, this situation is when you would hire a therapist. I personally recommend EMDR therapy (Eye movement desensitisation and reprograming) for any trauma that you require healing and rewiring your nervous system for, it has completely changed and enhanced my life in a number of ways and my traumas aren’t nearly as wounding as they once were. If you are experiencing substance abuse and addition please contact AA and recovery specialists, they have the tools and the resources to support you to create a new life.

So, on that note, why would you hire a life coach?

1)      You’re already somewhat successful and what has got you to where you are now doesn’t seem to be working the same way

This situation requires a complete reinvention, what got you to this level of success is exactly the thing that’s holding you back from reaching the next level. In the book The Last Word on Power by Tracy Goss, she explains the winning strategy of successful, driven people and how that strategy needs to be reinvented as you climb the ladder of your life and career. Reinvention is why you would hire a coach.

2)      You are ready to take full responsibility of how your life goes.

What you have experienced up until this point of your life is not necessarily your fault (in some cases it might be) but for those circumstances where you had little to 100% lack of control over how something went, it is now your responsibility on how things will go next, your experience of it and who you will be about it.

3)      You are ready and willing to live a life abundant with Love, Full Expression, Joy, Adventure and Fulfilment.

Your life has been good, maybe even pretty great but there is something still missing and likely it’s your minimal experience of having it all. All of the vulnerability, and connection that it provides. All of the Love, and at times, the devastation. To experience Joy and adventure in a way that will have you practicing gratitude and fully experiencing the multi-faceted experience of your humanity, power and possibility.

4)      If you’re willing to play the biggest game of your life, if you’re ready to potentially fail and get back up and try again to create the life that you truly want. If quitting is something you want to remove from your weaponry.

This work will likely create some breakdowns in your world (you’ve decided to play a huge game in life, a game you haven’t learnt how to play yet, it’s inevitable) and if you’re willing to trust someone so deeply to hold you capable of living your dream and achieving potentially the impossible, like so many leaders before us, then this work is absolutely and 100% for you.

What I learned about my mission from The Alchemist

I picked up a copy of The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho yesterday and couldn’t put the book down until I finished it (it’s been a long time since I read a book in one day). It is a beautiful story and that quote seems to stand out to me. It had me thinking, what is it that I want? I mean, truly want? What am I chasing that is bigger than myself; what is it that I am willing to walk to through the desert for, to make my own decisions about, and to not stop even if I am tested by the universe. I realized that it is the exact journey I am on right now…

I am on a mission to work with Powerful Men to help them remember how powerful they are, so they can then follow their true passions; they’re own mission.

It has been a path I didn’t know I was on for quite some time, and took its form in many ways.

It brought me through construction. This taught me to start thinking and planning ahead, seeing creations in my mind before they were physically real. It taught me to trust in my own body, to work until physical exhaustion day in and day out. It taught me to think bigger and take on leadership roles. It also taught me that it wasn’t my mission to stay there, and to never be content just because you are great at it. It taught me to listen to what my heart was saying.

It brought me through financial planning. This taught me to believe in myself, that I can take on something completely new and that it was okay! It taught me to build relationships with strangers, to get out and to network with other people, though the introvert in me didn’t want to go out to large crowds of strangers. It taught me to stay focused in continuing to learn as I went from my own perceived image of “the carpenter” with no post-secondary education, to a business professional with, now, two designations and six letters behind my name. It taught me to hold my own space, no matter who was across the desk from me, whether it be a 20-something looking to just make sense of finance, or CEO’s of 8-9 figure businesses. It even brought up a lesson from before: it wasn’t my mission to stay there, and to never be content just because you are great at it. It reminded me, yet again, to listen to what my heart was saying.

It brought me to incredible people in my life that have and will forever change it; if you’re reading it, you’re one of them.

Once all of these lessons were learned, it finally led me to Coaching. Funny enough, this was a path that I resisted for several years. Now I know, I just wasn’t ready for it yet and there were more lessons to be learned before I could step into it.

Now, I am here. I know that this is it: to take ALL of those lessons and begin to walk through my own desert as I search to find my treasure. I work with Powerful Men to help them remember how powerful they are, so they can then follow their true passions; they’re own mission. It has already started, examples include World Class Athletes, Authors/Writers, Entrepreneurs, Government Employees, and Powerful Coaches. And this is the tip of the iceberg.

So I ask, Men, really think about this.

What is it that you want? I mean, truly want? What are you chasing that is bigger than yourself; what is it that you are willing to walk to through the desert for, to make your own decisions about, and to not stop even if you are tested by the universe?

We all have our favorite stories!

Have you ever fallen in love with a story? The kind that draws you in, grabs you by the brain and the heart, and never loosens it's grip; you're stuck thinking about it throughout the day whether you're at home or work, and you begin to compare everything around you to how it can also play into the story line. Some are portrayed in movies or eloquently written in books. Others are told around camp fires under the stars. No matter where you see or hear them, they just seem to stick.

We all have one story in particular that sticks to our heart like krayzee-glue, and it is the greatest story that has ever been told. You play the Actor... the Director... the Producer and the Writer. It is the most entrancing story there ever was, complete with incredible highs and uplifting experiences to lower lows than you ever thought possible. This story is yours.

From the moment you're born you are a blank sheet of paper, a canvas, with no preconceived judgments about the way things should be. There is no right or wrong. Life just is. Then you open your eyes, letting all of the information flow in. Relationships are formed, feelings and thoughts produced; wants, needs, and desires created and decisions made. From here on we grow up, continuously writing our story from everything and everyone we encounter (or don't!) as the script begins to be filled with you in the spotlight at all times. The cameras roll as the way we see the World from all of these experiences are constantly played back in the theatre of our mind. We find it difficult to tear ourselves away from the front row as we watch it play out, getting caught up in being the spectator, as it shifts from being a "story" to becoming what we know as the truth. It's the best damn story there is, because we were there to attach meaning to each little detail - from the ones that felt insignificant to the others that changed our lives forever.

What is easy to forget is you're not just the Actor; you are also the Writer. You are in complete control of finishing the chapter and starting a new one (or a whole new book altogether!). The better news is, you are the ONLY Writer! You can decide what comes next and where you want to go. You get to decide on what you hold as the being facts and what you distinguish are simply what you are interpreted to be true. There is no such thing as "should be", nothing that needs to be "fixed", and no better time to turn the page than now. You are whole and complete as you are, right now, in the moment you read this brief article.

So the question becomes, what hat are you wearing now? Simply the spectator hat, taking life as it comes and reacting to it? The actor, being the center of attention as the spotlight turns to a heat lamp? Or the Writer, making proactive decisions on what the future withholds for you?

Knowing now that you can control of your own destiny, what will you write? What will the next chapter hold? What type of person will you become, and who are you choosing to be?