I am constantly being asked what a life coach is or what we do.
Firstly I would like to make a few things clear. As per the ICF Ethical Guidelines and Professional Standards, Coaching is not Therapy and it is not consulting. There are differences.
I have come up with a few reasons why hiring a coach is NOT for you.
Why you shouldn’t hire a life coach;
1) If you’re happy with how things are going and don’t like change
If you think your life is absolutely fine and there is nothing you would like to change (even while perhaps complaining about how things are and how nothing can change because of X, Y, Z) It will be much easier and unfortunately a less fulfilling life repeating the same pattern and living life the same way all of the time, but like I said, if you don’t actually want your life to change and you’re happy as things are, a life coach is not for you.
2) You don’t like spending money on improving anything
If you’re the type of person who likes a band aid solution, kind of like using one on a leaky pipe that requires a welder or an actual plumber, life coaching may not for you. Coaching requires serious commitment and investment on your behalf to create any significant shifts that will actually have your life go differently; it requires a buy in from you and skin in the game. The reason why gym memberships (or any membership for that matter) for $30/month often go unused, is because there isn’t enough skin in the game, whack that baby up to $500/month and I bet you’d be signing up to the gym with actual intention, actions, AND likely you’d get the results you really want.
3) You aren’t committed to your life the way you want it
You talk a lot about what you would love your life to be like and you always mention what life would be like if you won the lottery. You aren’t that committed to having your life go a certain way, you are a “I’m gonna” do this and “I wanna” do that, but you’ve never really taken any serious action to make any of the things you want, happen. In fact, you’re probably reading this post thinking “who is this bitch, I’m gonna get around to that stuff I want, it’s just not right now” consider this, If it’s not now, when? And if not you, then who?
4) If you want to be told what to do.
Coaches do not tell you what you to do, that is a job for a consultant and to be perfectly clear, a consultant isn’t likely to provide you the contextualising, deep inner work that would create the transformational shift you need to actually have your life spin around on its axis and go differently. They are however excellent for business strategy, marketing, branding, scaling and content. I work with a group of sensational consultants and I use them for exactly that – to tell me what to do in my business, and my coach supports me with who I need to be, to have the things I want.
5) You refuse or hate being challenged or confronted.
Coaching isn’t particularly easy at times, you are constantly confronted where you are being out of integrity, you have a mirror lifted up in front of you showing you all of the things that have been hiding in your blind spots, and how you are unltimately responsible for how your life has gone. How you are showing up is reflected to you when things really aren’t working. It requires immense vulnerability, honesty and collaboration. If this is something you can’t be with, do not hire a life coach.
6) If you are currently facing addiction or experiencing severe mental health issues.
Due to the confronting nature of Coaching, if you are recently sober, still experiencing substance abuse and/or are not mentally stable, then coaching is absolutely not in your best interest. Coaching is not a useful service for mental health issues. Coaching can be triggering and revealing, this situation is when you would hire a therapist. I personally recommend EMDR therapy (Eye movement desensitisation and reprograming) for any trauma that you require healing and rewiring your nervous system for, it has completely changed and enhanced my life in a number of ways and my traumas aren’t nearly as wounding as they once were. If you are experiencing substance abuse and addition please contact AA and recovery specialists, they have the tools and the resources to support you to create a new life.
So, on that note, why would you hire a life coach?
1) You’re already somewhat successful and what has got you to where you are now doesn’t seem to be working the same way
This situation requires a complete reinvention, what got you to this level of success is exactly the thing that’s holding you back from reaching the next level. In the book The Last Word on Power by Tracy Goss, she explains the winning strategy of successful, driven people and how that strategy needs to be reinvented as you climb the ladder of your life and career. Reinvention is why you would hire a coach.
2) You are ready to take full responsibility of how your life goes.
What you have experienced up until this point of your life is not necessarily your fault (in some cases it might be) but for those circumstances where you had little to 100% lack of control over how something went, it is now your responsibility on how things will go next, your experience of it and who you will be about it.
3) You are ready and willing to live a life abundant with Love, Full Expression, Joy, Adventure and Fulfilment.
Your life has been good, maybe even pretty great but there is something still missing and likely it’s your minimal experience of having it all. All of the vulnerability, and connection that it provides. All of the Love, and at times, the devastation. To experience Joy and adventure in a way that will have you practicing gratitude and fully experiencing the multi-faceted experience of your humanity, power and possibility.
4) If you’re willing to play the biggest game of your life, if you’re ready to potentially fail and get back up and try again to create the life that you truly want. If quitting is something you want to remove from your weaponry.
This work will likely create some breakdowns in your world (you’ve decided to play a huge game in life, a game you haven’t learnt how to play yet, it’s inevitable) and if you’re willing to trust someone so deeply to hold you capable of living your dream and achieving potentially the impossible, like so many leaders before us, then this work is absolutely and 100% for you.